You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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