can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Rumble strips road head = magical
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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