Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
