I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
