mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
