WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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