YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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