He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
