I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
