Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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