Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
