I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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