Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
