I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
