we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
