Who wears a wallet chain?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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