Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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