Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
