no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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