I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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