Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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