I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
