So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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