He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
