I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
