on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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