she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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