got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
