his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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