Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
