Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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