these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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