And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
