I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
