Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so that wasnt chicken after all
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
