They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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