turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's get the cat blown out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
