I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
