Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
