you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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