What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
