dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
