Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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