You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize