my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize