It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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