You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize