I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
