She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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