He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
