genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
