Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
