i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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