Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
