Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I did not marry a roomba.
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