mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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