did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
