chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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