did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please, let me fuck your mom
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
