Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
