guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
