if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize