His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
