i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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