Kiss
Puke
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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