so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
