I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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