I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
