It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize