No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we're making bets on your personal life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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