I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
